Being One's Own
by Anansay
Summary: What might have happened behind the scenes in an alternate universe of our imaginations. COuld be a prequel to Myths. Maybe, maybe not.


TITLE: Being One's Own  
  
AUTHOR: Anansay  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
KEYWORDS: Grissom, Sara, GSR, RST of a sort  
  
SPOILERS: Strip Strangler:  
  
SUMMARY: What might have happened behind the scenes in an alternate universe of our imaginations. Could be considered a prequel to Myths. Maybe, maybe not.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters.  
  
  
  
BEING ONE'S OWN  
  
"You are MY CSI, and I say you are NOT doing this!"  
  
He was yelling now. He hadn't planned for the discussion to degenerate into a cacophonic battle with her. But here he was, bellowing like a mad man. She wasn't backing down either. He knew she wouldn't. Which is what had probably initiated the increased fanfare. The more she dug in her heels the stronger he pushed. It was a vicious cycle, he knew that. The more he pushed, the stronger her will became. That part of the brain that always remains calm in every situation was whispering to him that this was not the way to get through to her. But the whispering could not be heard over the roar of their combined voice.  
  
The others had since evacuated the break room in hopes of retaining some of their hearing, not to mention concealing their laughter at such an unusual display of machismo on both their parts. Sara was a not a person to trifle with when she had her heart set on a certain path. Which is how she had come to work at one the best rated CSI departments in the US. She pushed ahead until she got what she wanted.  
  
And she wanted this. Very much.  
  
Grissom knew this. He knew all of this. But apparently, he wasn't letting it alter his already entrenched conviction that she wasn't doing this. And that was that. It was a deadlock. Neither of them was giving an inch either way.  
  
"I am my OWN person. I decide what I want to do. And I am DOING THIS!!" she yelled back at him.  
  
"NO!  
  
"YES!"  
  
It was no use.  
  
"GOD DAMMIT Sara!" He slammed his hand down on the table, glowering at her. Then he turned around, giving her his back, more to hide his grimace as the pain shot to his head. He briefly wondered if he had indeed broken any bones in that defiant act.  
  
He was breathing hard. Sara could hear it as well as see it. She knew is blood pressure rose when he was upset. She wished it wouldn't, but that was a distant second to the topic at hand. She needed to do this. And he wasn't going to stop her, she wouldn't let him. The FBI had requested her assistance and she was going to help them. She felt it to be her moral duty, as a servant of the public to protect them, even if it meant risking her own life in the process. Couldn't Grissom see this?  
  
"I need to do this, Grissom. I need to."  
  
He spun around to glare at her some more. His face was red. His eyes had darkened until they were almost black. He was furious. But she pushed on.  
  
"I can't let him hurt another person, Grissom. Can't you understand this?" Her voice was rising again. Her hands were clenched at her sides. Her chest heaved with pent up emotion. Her hair was wild about her head, her emphatic accentuating motions having caused this disheveled look. Her eyes were wild as well with passion. Not the kind of passion Grissom wanted to see, this passion originated in her desire to follow her own path. Even if it meant contradicting Grissom's orders.  
  
"NO! I can't understand that, Sara. Do you know what could happen to you? These people aren't perfect. Mistakes are made. Everyday. You could die, Sara! DO you want to know HOW you could die??" He was advancing towards her, a step for every word emphasized. He was closer to her now. He could feel her heavy breathing on his face. He could feel the determination emanating off her body. She was wild in her tenacity. That's what he loved about her.  
  
"You'll be there, Grissom!" her voice was caustic now. "To save the damsel in distress. I know how to defend myself. I'm well versed in weapon-less defense."  
  
"Oh yeah. That's just what they like. A victim who fights back. It makes it more enjoyable for them!" He met her acerbity with an equal measure of his own. His face was contorted to match his tone, his head bent to one side, his arms crossed at his chest. He looked like gorilla thrusting his chest out to stress his dominance. She almost laughed at this picture in her head.  
  
She regarded him skeptically. Would he actually physically bar her decision? She thought not. This was just for show, like his stance. To save face among his peers. To give a good fight before eventually giving up. Obviously they were feeding on each other's anger. She decided on another tactic.  
  
"I am doing this, Grissom." She spoke softly and slowly, never dropping her eyes from his. A clear act of defiance.  
  
This was the last straw. She was not going to treat him like a child, speaking to him like that. His hands flew in the air above his head and came down in fists, just missing her face as his mouth flew open to expel such a loud roar as to make her flinch only slightly. It was mostly a shock to her, not actually fear. She had never seen him so agitated in her life. She was almost beginning to fear for his health with this tantrum he was throwing. He spun around and stomped to the other side of the room, stopped and then spun around to come charging up to her again. She did not vacillate an inch before his charging form. He stared at her in the eye, his face so close to hers, it was her turn to feel his breath on her face. Minty. Hmm, her mind picked up this information automatically. His eyes searched her entire face, her eyes, her lips, her forehead, her chin, her hair. All over. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, barely brushing up against her legs clad in the little skirt, which he thought was way too short, no matter the mission. His mouth twitched with barely withheld words.  
  
She brought her face closer to his in defiance of this attempted stare down. Now their noses touched and still they faced each other, each breathing hard in their attempts to stand their ground and get the other to back down. These were two very determined people. A muscle twitched in Grissom's jaw. Sara's lips were pursed until they were almost invisible.  
  
God! She was beautiful! The thought invaded his mind before he could stop it. He hated her and loved at the same time. How was that possible: for two opposites to exist in the same dimension? His scientific mind reeled at that absurdity. He loved her for her strength, and yet at this time he really hated her strength. He was so afraid it would take her away from him. She stood before him dressed so alluringly in her black leather skirt that came down about mid thigh and her white body-hugging shirt that revealed more than it covered. Her face was more made up than usual, and her hair sat atop her head in a loose barrette of sorts with a few wavy tendrils down the side of her face for accent purposes. Impossibly high heels made her legs more shapely and longer than usual. His heart had fallen to the floor at this feet upon first setting eyes on her. He had recovered quickly enough, or so he thought. And now she was here, mere inches from his body. Her natural scent intensified by the perfume she wore. It was intoxicating.  
  
Suddenly, before she could move, his hands were on the sides of her face and his lips were pressed against hers almost painfully. There was an angry passion behind the kiss. His lips opened and his tongue demanded entrance. Without realizing it, her lips opened and his tongue thrust into her mouth. She found herself returning the kiss, passion for passion. Her hands were clenched in his shirt, keeping him against her. Her tongue and his danced unseen in the melding of their lips as they mashed against each other almost painfully. She could feel the heat building in her core, as she pushed herself against him wanting to feel all of him against her. He responded by dropping his hands to her back and pinning her against him in a furious need to keep her here.  
  
He couldn't believe what he was doing. Kissing her? Having her so near him, their noses touching, her furious passionate breathing on his face made him loose all sense of what they were doing. Suddenly he had wanted to feel those lips on his. He had wanted to taste them. He was so angry with her. Why couldn't she see what he was doing? Why couldn't she understand his reasons for not wanting her to go on this mission? Why was she being so darned head strong? He couldn't bear the thought of losing her permanently. It would kill him, he was sure of that. He would prefer her to leave and never speak to him again and be alive, then what he feared would happen tonight. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest, he swore she could feel it. When she thrust herself against him, he almost lost it. She was responding to him, kissing him back, just as hard. All thought left his mind. He was just a feeling responding man with a wonderfully obstinate and sensuous woman in his arms. The fact that they were in the break room and that anybody could walk in never entered his fevered thoughts. He held her tightly against him, trying to keep her here, with him and alive. He could hear her moaning in the kiss and felt himself responding in kind, unable to contain his feelings any longer. He had never felt such passion for a woman in his life. She fueled him on every level.  
  
Her hands snaked around his chest and moved up to his head where she could hold his face against hers further deepening the kiss. She wanted all of him. She wanted him deep inside her. Right now. She thrust her tongue deep in his mouth and he returned her lust in kind. His hands found themselves on her bottom and he pulled her into him, feeling her heat radiate into him. She could feel his arousal against her center and it her fueled her own as her leg moved to the outside of his to bring him in closer. He groaned into her mouth as the extra heat burned through their clothing and seared his arousal to full bloom. She could feel him shaking against her and it pleased her in a selfish and carnal way. In this way they acted and reacted to each other, bringing their combined passion to heights unknown to either of them before this night.  
  
Too soon their kiss ended as they reluctantly pulled away from each other. His hands had moved to her waist as her hands rested on his neck. They regarded each other, they eyes dark and smoldering with unspent sexual energy. Their mouths hung slightly open, each trying to catch their breath after their mutual tempestuous exploration of their feelings. Their eyes held silent questions neither of them were fully prepared to ask for fear of the response. Passion. Confusion. Fear. Lust.  
  
"Sara." his eyes held such intense fear, it grabbed at her heart. "Please don't go." His breath was shaky as was his body. The fear was a whole body experience for him at this point. He had just given vent to his emotions and she had responded. He didn't want this to be the end.  
  
She swallowed as this information was fed into her subconscious as she studied his eyes. "Grissom." her voice was quiet, but it shook with pain. "I have to do this."  
  
He stared into her eyes a bit more before letting his hands drop and stepping back from her. His eyes begged her to reconsider. Her eyes answered his with a sad determination. She felt herself at a crossroads now. She wanted to do this, and she also wanted not to hurt Grissom.  
  
With one last look at his tortured soul, she turned and left. He watched her go with his heart on his sleeve. He took one last shaky breath and left the room to find the others. There were details to iron out before the mission could be effectuated. 


End file.
